"I Am Willing"

A man with leprosy came and knelt before Jesus and said, “If You are willing, You can make me clean.”  Jesus reached out and touched him saying, “I am willing”  (Matthew 8:1-4)

My heart collides with those four simple words…”IF You are willing…”  How many times have I asked that in my most secret place, not even able to verbalize it most of the time.  I KNOW God is willing to do it for others, but for ME…if… a small word that holds so many things in its two letters.  Am I worth it?  Would He do it for me?  Am I good enough to be noticed?  Or am I too messed up?  Am I even important enough?

The disease of leprosy causes one to be an outcast, alone, unwanted, unclean.  For us today, leprosy may represent our sin, our brokenness, our messed up lives.  So the question is, will I come like the bold yet fearful leper and kneel at the feet of the Father, asking, “You can clean me up if You are willing” or will I let the crowds yelling “unclean… broken” intimidate me, keeping me from possible help?  Will I let the fear of a “no” answer keep me an “outcast”?  All too often I have asked… expecting a “no” because of the way I see myself.  I wonder if the leper was scared to death to ask Jesus; he had nothing to lose but a whole lot to gain.  Jesus reached out and touched him, knowing the disease was highly contagious.  Oh how we long for such a touch- someone willing to touch our messy, contagious places.  To feel the touch of LOVE, but then to hear “I am willing”.  His heart must have missed quite a few beats at those precious words "I AM WILLING!"

I wonder if we were still long enough, if we’d hear those same words “I am willing” whispered to us.  We get so noisy, rehearsing why we are not worth it, why we don’t deserve His attention along with his touch.  Will you join me, kneeling in front of the Savior… quietly… listening… Do you hear the soft voice telling you, as He touches your face, “I am willing…I am willing to clean you up!”

In the Middle

I find myself in the middle of a battlefield.  Everywhere I look there is sabre and sword.  For a moment my mind wonders to, how did I get here? Who signed me up for this?  I certainly don’t remember doing it.  I fight and claw my way, focusing on trying to stay alive.  At times I wonder why not just lay down and die- get it over with.  What is the use anyhow?  Who will even care?  Why continue to fight?  My eyes are fastened on the enemy swarming around me.  Where are my friends?  Do I even have any?  Who can rescue me?  I am tired…. too tired to fight anymore.  I think it would be easier to just give up; then it would be over!  At that moment my ear picks up a whisper of music.  I stop in my tracks; arms limp at my side.  Where in the world could the music be coming from- this is a battle field, for pity sakes!?  I turn my head not caring if the enemy plunges my heart any more. There it is again.  It sounds like, no it cannot be, but it sounds like a trumpet... like some sort of battle call.  Slowly I raise my eyes upward, searching.  But it is getting louder as I lift my eyes, off the enemy.  Then there, in the middle of the fray, I see it.  It is a banner of sorts waving high above the enemy troops.  For a mire moment the battle fades and I read what it says as I squint my eyes.  LOVE it says.  Love?  Love?  What does that mean?  My eyes fall at bit and then I see Him, sitting on a white horse coming my way.  Can it be?  Can it really be someone coming to rescue me?  Not a chance! But He keeps coming with that LOVE banner waving over the enemy.  Wow!  I think I am about to be rescued, taken out of this mess.  WOOHOO!  Then He is beside me, wielding a sword on my behalf.  I hear Him say, how I am not sure because I am suddenly aware of the battle noise again, but I hear His voice say, “I am here to help you fight.  This battle is not yours alone.  I died for YOUR victory but you must stand firm and fight.  Yes you must fight BUT I am beside you, fighting to give YOU the victory”.  Suddenly my lonely, despairing heart is strengthened.  With every flash of His sword, life returns to my spirit. With every utterance of His Truth, courage rises up within me. He holds out His nail scarred hand to me...a lifeline of love. I take

it and am gently encouraged to stand and to re-engage in the battle for my life. I stand in the strength that I have and with Him it is more than enough. I sense His good pleasure and overwhelming compassion. I know He will bear the brunt of

this battle. I hold my head up under the banner of LOVE, as the enemy’s taunts are swallowed up by the marvelous light of His presence and the sounds of His mighty army, my brothers and sisters. My strength returns. He is all I see. I am somehow on higher ground, being moved forward by a great mass of warriors. We are as one and we are taking back the land together. I am not alone! I was not left behind on the battlefield! He came for me! I re-enter the fray in praise and with the victorious words of Life! The enemy will be defeated!

A song that goes right along with this post is OVERCOMER by Mandisa

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z29olPjFbqg

written with my friend, Kim Dent.... you can find her at http://www.dandelionwinds.com/blog.html

A man with leprosy came and knelt before Jesus and said, “If You are willing, You can make me clean.”  Jesus reached out and touched him saying, “I am willing” (Matt 8:1-4)

My heart collided with those four simple words…”IF You are willing…”  How many times have I asked those same words in my most secret place, not even able to verbalize it most of the time.  I KNOW God is willing to do it for others, but ME;  if- that small word that holds so many feelings in its two letters.  Am I worth it?  Would You do it for me?  Am I good enough to be noticed?  Or am I too messed up?  Am I even important enough?

In biblical times, leprosy caused one to be an outcast, alone, unwanted, unclean.  For us, leprosy might represent our sin, our brokenness, our messed up lives.

So will I come like this boldly fearing leper and kneel at the feet of my Father, asking, “IF you are willing, You can clean me up” or will I let the crowds, the “friends”, yelling “unclean” intimidate me, keeping me away.  Will the fear of a “no” answer keep me an outcast?

So often I have asked, “IF You are willing…” expecting a “no” answer because of the way I see myself.  I wonder if this leper was scared to death to ask or was he desperate enough because he had nothing to lose and everything to gain.

He asked and Jesus reached out and touched him- touched him knowing that leprosy is highly contagious.  Oh how we long for such a touch, someone willing to touch our messy, contagious places.  The touch of love and then to hear, “I am willing!”  His heart must have missed a few beats at hearing those precious words, “I am willing”.

I wonder if we were still long enough if we’d hear the same words, “I am willing”.  We get noisy rehearsing why we are not worthy, why we don’t deserve His attention, let alone His touch.  We are noisy… because we are afraid…

Will you join me on my knees in front of Jesus… quietly listening?  Do you hear the gentle voice, “I am willing!  I am willing to clean you up”!