my wounds and scars are

windows through which people see

Love and Grace revealed

                         -margaret slabach

 

my soul leaps and soars

on wings of joy and wonder

at His love for me

                    -margaret slabach

bitterness like an

underground root destroying

as it flourishes

-margaret slabach

"I Am Willing"

A man with leprosy came and knelt before Jesus and said, “If You are willing, You can make me clean.”  Jesus reached out and touched him saying, “I am willing”  (Matthew 8:1-4)

My heart collides with those four simple words…”IF You are willing…”  How many times have I asked that in my most secret place, not even able to verbalize it most of the time.  I KNOW God is willing to do it for others, but for ME…if… a small word that holds so many things in its two letters.  Am I worth it?  Would He do it for me?  Am I good enough to be noticed?  Or am I too messed up?  Am I even important enough?

The disease of leprosy causes one to be an outcast, alone, unwanted, unclean.  For us today, leprosy may represent our sin, our brokenness, our messed up lives.  So the question is, will I come like the bold yet fearful leper and kneel at the feet of the Father, asking, “You can clean me up if You are willing” or will I let the crowds yelling “unclean… broken” intimidate me, keeping me from possible help?  Will I let the fear of a “no” answer keep me an “outcast”?  All too often I have asked… expecting a “no” because of the way I see myself.  I wonder if the leper was scared to death to ask Jesus; he had nothing to lose but a whole lot to gain.  Jesus reached out and touched him, knowing the disease was highly contagious.  Oh how we long for such a touch- someone willing to touch our messy, contagious places.  To feel the touch of LOVE, but then to hear “I am willing”.  His heart must have missed quite a few beats at those precious words "I AM WILLING!"

I wonder if we were still long enough, if we’d hear those same words “I am willing” whispered to us.  We get so noisy, rehearsing why we are not worth it, why we don’t deserve His attention along with his touch.  Will you join me, kneeling in front of the Savior… quietly… listening… Do you hear the soft voice telling you, as He touches your face, “I am willing…I am willing to clean you up!”

In Honor of Karla

Within the past 2 weeks, I have had to struggle with my friend’s sudden death.  According to how I think, she should not have died so young.  She should have lived to old age; to see her grandchildren grow up.  She should have taken that trip to Hawaii to await the arrival of her newest granddaughter.  This isn’t the way it should be; that’s how I think.

In my grief, the Lord gave me a visual- a canvas painting of her life.  The only problem was, I could only see one very small section of that picture illuminated; the rest was dark to me- I could not see it.  God sees the whole, I cannot.  Therefore, I don’t understand the why, the purpose for her sudden departure.  Maybe if I could see it all, I would understand but for some reason God chooses to let me see only one small part.

I rejoice that she is with the Lord.  She is free of pain and the physical frustrations she suffered.  She kept her trust in God through it all- refusing to give in to self-pity and despair.  I rejoice for her but the pain of her leaving is tough.  The “whys” remain unanswered; I choose to trust a loving God who painted her canvas.

I can grieve with hope because I know someday I will see my friend again.

Suddenly you left...

we grieve in hope but for those

left behind...sorrow